howl like you mean it

This photo was taken of Gabe in 1990 or 91...

Early this morning (at approximately 2:30am est), we were given the Full Wolf Moon….  named so because it’s the toughest time of year for hungry wolves to find food, and so they can often be heard howling just outside of northern Indian villages with smells of whatever’s being cooked up and visions of tasty morsels occupying their minds.

I’ve always held a special AFFINITY for wolves.  Back in college, I did some volunteer work at the Prescott Animal Park.  It began as a research project for my psychology class…  I was interested in learning about human-animal connections, and my “subject” was Gabe, a full-blooded gray wolf out of a two-wolf pack living there at the park.   He squeezed himself into a corner behind his shelter each time I would visit him, and Sasha, the alpha, would snarl and beat up on him if he showed any interest in me.   I remember finding that confusing at first.   I had the urge to protect him, to pry him out of his fear, but learned over time to have a healthy respect for the pack’s dynamics, and to trust that we would connect somehow, despite the disheartening circumstances.

It wasn’t long though before I had the privilege of taking him out of his enclosure for walks in the evenings, exploring the empty acres around the park.  I don’t imagine the head of a facility such as that would ever dream of allowing a college student to take this on nowadays.   But back then, before the days of stringent insurance policies, while I had (and still have) mixed feelings about zoos in general, I would’ve done anything to get CLOSER TO WILD.

While Gabe wore a leash, it was not at all like walking a dog.  He was enormous, intimidating, strong….  and in reality, it was him taking me for the walk.

Nose held high, he could sense freedom just beyond the gate-  and while I remember moments wondering if what I was doing might be dangerous, during our walks I always felt safe and at peace.  Taken out of his enclosure and away from the alpha, he moved into his own power.  He was in charge.  He became playful and ornery and mischievous.  And as a young woman, I wanted that for myself.  We trusted one another, profoundly connected on a level that was pure instinct.

So knowing tonight is the full wolf moon, I think about Gabe.  I think about coming into my power.  I think about strength and wildness and the fences we women often build to keep ourselves small, tame, and confined…  how we argue for our limitations and defend our weaknesses…  how we tether ourselves to those things we feel we’re supposed to be, so that the boats don’t get rocked…  how we give up on adventure for the sake of “normalcy” and feeling safe n’ sound, and allow ourselves to get tossed about by forces we deem much more powerful than ourselves.

On this full wolf moon, I invite you to let your guard down.  I invite you to smell the air and sense the freedom that awaits you just beyond the boundaries of your very own self-imposed enclosures.  I invite you to be HUNGRY AND RAVENOUS for life, allowing instinct to guide you toward what nourishes you.  I invite you let your stories of stuckness and victimhood fall away and make room for deep, heroic love and boundless possibility.  I invite you to trust in an open heart, rather than a captive heart. 

And tonight when the full moon rises, by all means, howl like you mean it.

Categories: wildness   |   Tags: full moon, trust, wild woman  |  5 Comments »

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