have I really turned into a health fanatic?

“Are you looking for a way out instead of a way through?
Challenges stop us, enrage us, engage us, until we summon a wild power from the bowels of the will we did not know we had. Then we can never again mask our magnificence, even to ourselves.
Others can hand you their power, but they can never hand you yours.”  

~Tama Kieves

Lately, I’ve been hooked on movies about food…  Food, Inc., Forks Over Knives, etc…  I think it’s because on my recent health journey, it’s been easy for me to feel slightly isolated, and these films somehow offer up some justification for what I’m choosing to do for my body these days.  

Sometimes it feels like it would be far easier to conform to the masses in eating extra cheesy pizza and tollhouse cookies (even though doing so would make me sick!).   I am particularly struck with this feeling when well-intended friends try to talk me into eating just one piece of whatever they’re eating, or as I engage in trying to help my kids become more aware without being too pushy or preachy.   At times, it feels like I’m up against a brick wall.  My son brought home a HUGE bag of candy from school for Valentine’s Day.   Yes, gone are the days of homemade Valentines made of pink and red construction paper and even the carefully chosen pre-printed Scooby Doo ones from the drugstore.  This year, they’ve been traded in for sugar and red dye #40.  Blech.

This last weekend, I watched a movie called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, about this guy from Australia, Joe Cross.   A hundred pounds overweight and suffering from a debilitating autoimmune disease, Joe pulled his life together by conducting a 60 day juicing experiment.  During this two month adventure of his, he traveled all over the U.S. talking with folks about food and health, sharing his juicy recipes right out of the juicer in the back of his car, and inspiring many, including Phil, a morbidly obese truck driver desperate for help.  When all was said and done, this little experiment dramatically changed Joe’s life, and Phil’s–  not only did they both lose a ton of weight and continue to be healthy and active, but they were able to wean themselves off of all medications and heal their ailments…  and they were happy.   The magic of their journeys continues to spread, from family member to family member, and stranger to stranger…  simply because they each consciously chose to LIVE, from the bare and unique bones of who they are,  and in doing so, wound up serving as marvelous examples without even intending to.

While I found the movie quite inspiring, there was one part that really got to me in it’s poignancy.   At one point, Joe visited a diner somewhere out west and sat down with a family enjoying their chicken fried steaks…  three generations of men.  The grandfather was the most open to hearing about Joe’s experiment, even expressed a mild curiosity in tasting his latest juice concoction and outright claimed the need to do something about his own health.  But when Joe asked them, “If you could add fresh fruits and vegetables to two meals a day, and doing so could add atleast ten years to your life, would you do it?”  the father balked and right there in front of his son said something like, “What’s the point?  I’d rather die happy, and if it means I die tomorrow, so be it.  I intend to enjoy my food.”

I sat there watching this, trying not to judge, trying my best to bridge what feels like an enormous gap with compassion…  knowing I have loved ones who would probably say the very same thing if I asked them the same question.  Heck, there was a time in my life when I probably would’ve said the same thing…  when the call for a piece of coconut cream pie was stronger then the call to have enough energy to play tag with my kids.   But this feels downright tragic to me now.  And as frustrating as it is, I know that as much as I want my children to make healthy choices, as much as I want to whip my inlaws into shape,  as much as I want to change the way our entire society eats, the choice ultimately has to come from one’s own sovereignty.  

Sovereignty isn’t born from acceptance or compliance…  it’s born from the deep crevices of one’s own truth.    There are millions of opinions out there about what one must do to be healthy,  and just as many if not more opinions about what one must do to be happy– it’s simply mind-boggling.  But all the theories and advice and self-help and diet books in the world won’t help you until you stir up your own wild, deeply ingrained wisdom.  Of course, we can inspire one another…  but the will to LIVE is up to each one of us to summon and commit to for ourselves.  There is no one-size-fits-all answer to wellness and joy.  

So I kindly remind myself that perhaps that guy and his body are perfectly fine with chicken fried steak, and I dare to let go and come back to my own journey, take a deep breath into my belly and celebrate the way my body feels in this moment.  Yes, it’s lighter, which is great…  but even more importantly, I no longer have severe pain in my feet or my knees.  I’m no longer a candidate for gall bladder surgery.  I’ve cut my risk of diabetes and heart disease and cancer substantially.  I have become a more mindful eater and a bona fide athlete, (yes, me!), training for my first triathlon.  I think clearer, and I feel deeper.  

No, I don’t have it all figured out…  I’m still sorely tempted by sugary treats and stumble from time to time…  and there are days when I am supremely lazy. But I know I won’t ever go back (just writing that terrifies the hell out of me, which tells me I still have a lot of work to do!).  I have no doubt added years to my life, which is more time to evolve and grow and learn and love and dance with the questions.  I feel empowered.  I feel open.  I feel capable of almost anything.  This sense of sovereignty over my own body, my own life, keeps me grounded in this moment of the adventure.  

So no, don’t see a nutritionist like I did or start juicing like Joe did… unless you feel called to deep down in your gut, or unless the mere idea nourishes you.   Listen instead to your own very wise self,  dare to perplex those of us who think we have all the answers, and make the choice to live in your very own uniquely and wildly imperfect way….  

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