Yesterday when I received the Iron Girl participant guide, I discovered that I will be beginning the race in the 6th wave.
The good news is that my swim cap will be purple, which I consider a good omen, since it’s my favorite color and it is thought to bring peace of mind and spiritual groundedness. But the stinky news is that I’ll be starting twenty minutes later than the friends who will be meeting me there. Who knows what that means in the grand scheme of things… but the reality is… I have to come back to me. I have to grab onto the reasons once again that I chose this adventure. I have to dig deep into my own inner resources, and not rely on anyone else to see me through this.
For a little while yesterday, this threw me into a panic. All of the emails from my friends trying to make this seem light and fun and fluffy seemed all for naught. I had been comforted by the all-for-one, one-for-all idea… only to discover that it really does come down to my own strength and will and desire to do this thing.
Last night, I was like a spoiled kid who didn’t get what she wanted… I moaned and groaned about it, and I admit, even got a little weepy. And this morning when it was time for my training session, I really wondered if it was even worth it… I thought, this is impossible- there’s no way I can do this. Might as well stay home.
Well, something got me out there. Of course, letting go of the resistance was much like prying a tasty rawhide away from a dog…
But I did it.
And it was all on my own accord. No one talked me into it, no one was there to cheer me on, no one was there to coax me into actually enjoying it…
And I loved it… every single second of it.
Maybe I can do this. Perhaps the solitude of the experience will make it that much more powerful for me. The only thing pushing me on will be my own WILDNESS, and the curious anticipation of what’s around the next corner. And you know what?
Maybe, just maybe, that’ll be enough.