There are days when I feel as though my life is a big ole game of tug-war… and I’m the rope.
One part of me says with a cunning smile, “C’mon dearie, make big plans, dream big dreams, run a bunch of laps around the landscape of possibility, leap up and over mountains… you can do this, and now is the time.”
And then another part says with an endearing whisper, “But look at the sun shining and the flowers growing and the children giggling right before your very eyes. Take it in, dear one… take it in.”
Meanwhile, my heart becomes a tangled up mess. I feel lost. I feel uncertain about which voice to listen to, because really, they are both wise and loving and they both speak up for my highest good.
I coach plenty of people on staying motivated, moving forward, actively creating the life they want… and tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to do, do, do. But I’m also realizing more and more that the bigger the step one takes, the deeper the breath one needs to take as well in order to stay truly smitten with life.
Sure, we’re taught to keep moving by all means….to the point of high blood pressure and guzzling down countless cups of coffee. To do anything otherwise might be construed as unproductive or even lazy (gasp!).
But I’m discovering that the real truth (atleast MY real truth) is that what’s unproductive is spending the day criticizing myself for not getting x,y, and z accomplished. What’s lazy is not allowing myself the fullness of the experience of stillness, even when it might mingle with fear or resistance or who knows what else. What’s futile is not honoring that every journey waxes and wanes like the moon, and that the creative process has cycles that inevitably have moments of idleness.
There’s a lot I want to do in this lifetime…. yes, indeed… a lot. And I’ve spent many a day rushing around trying to do it all RIGHT NOW as if tomorrow the world will end and this is my very last chance. But I also know that it’s not going to mean a whole lot to me unless I’m willing to slow down and smell the flowers like Ferdinand the bull… to tango with life in all its uncertainties, and show up fully for stillness as well as movement.
I’d rather not spend my time and energy regretting the days spent staring at a blank computer screen while trying like mad to tease my words out, or scorning the days of being at the beck and call of a sick kiddo who needs me and not getting my newsletter out. These are precious moments in life that, while maybe frustrating, can open up doors to potential and inspire a celebration of what I’ve created so far… if I simply stop forcing, and begin allowing.
So here’s to the wise wild woman parts of me releasing the rope…. and holding hands instead. I may not get everything done that I want to…. but I will be more engaged with whatever presents itself to me… and be able to embrace life in its fullness and richness as it unfolds before me.