discernment

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What is the most loving thing you can do for yourself in this moment?

This is a question that has been burning in me for some time now.
As my body continues this process of healing,
and I inch my way that much closer to discovering or creating whatever’s next,
discernment is oh-so-important.
I’ve learned that honoring my intuition is crucial.
Being mindful of the internal dialogue going on in my noggin is essential.
Noticing the way my shoulders tighten around my heart when I’m not practicing compassion (both for others and for myself) is paramount.
Allowing my belly to be an accurate barometer of my emotional wellbeing is imperative.
Acknowledging that my muscles can recognize stress a mile away is critical.
Distinguishing between what serves my health and what doesn’t is vital.

We’re not taught to discern, however.
Instead, we’re taught to judge.
Judge others. Judge ourselves.
We’re taught to examine how we’re measuring up to the rest of the world.  

To look outside of ourselves when making difficult choices.
To squash our creative impulses in order to play by the rules.
To keep our needs quiet and not cause a stink.
To feel shame when we look different, feel different, act different.
To seek convenience and comfort over vision.
To keep our heads out of the clouds, and our feet planted firmly in reason.
To strive to be bigger and better and thinner and richer,
all at the expense of our happiness.

What is the most loving thing you can do for yourself in this moment?

Discernment can feel utterly foreign… naked… uncomfortable… brutally honest.
For me, it looks like:
A resounding yes, a solid no.
Permission to be picky and persnickety.
Radical acceptance of my imperfections, quirks, and messes.
Gentle acknowledgment that some things are just plain hard.
The tender release of whatever feels draining or toxic to me.
Clarity in determining who has earned the right to my deepest vulnerability,
and when it’s appropriate to create soulful boundaries.
The practice of finetuning my bullshit detector.
The risk of disappointing or pissing off someone
for the sake of living authentically.
Admission that I am not in control of everything I’d like to be in control of.
Being okay with not having a plan or clear agenda .
The willingness to hold both fear and hope in the same hand,
and to be wounded and fierce all at once.
The readiness to inhabit my body so fully and lovingly
that I cannot overlook or ignore what it needs to be healthy.

Get curious.
Ask questions.
Observe how the answers express themselves
in your heart, your mind, and your body…
Dare to put down those weighty ideas of what’s ugly and what’s beautiful
and lean in to what’s real and honest and true for you.
Right now.
In this moment.

What is the most loving thing you can do for yourself?
What is the greatest use of your precious energy?
What serves your health and wellbeing?
What inspires you to keep dancing your way into the great unknown?

 

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