“To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.”
~Elizabeth Gilbert
Meet Joe. He is a 47-year-old (which translates to roughly 94-years-old in gorilla years) silverback gorilla at the Gorilla Haven sanctuary in northeast Georgia. My family and I visited him this last weekend… he was quite the gentleman, peering through the wire of his enclosure at us with such curiosity, such wisdom, such acceptance. We got to toss him bananas and grapes and romaine lettuce from a terrace overlooking the outdoor section of his space, which was wonderful, but the most amazing part of our visit was just sitting on the floor close by, communicating through purrs and finger snaps and claps and long, deep looks that I thought might tear my heart right out of my body. There were times indeed when I wasn’t sure who was supposed to be observing who.
The thing is, I left feeling as though it weren’t enough. I wanted more.
Not only did the experience leave me sorely tempted to drop everything and become a zoologist, but it also got me thinking about what I do now, and how the summer has given me a different perspective on my work, on my dreams, and on my life.
My kiddos are returning to school tomorrow, and in many ways, I feel as though I’m returning to my visions. The summer was a time of deep witness for me… but it took me some time to really see it that way. For a time, I was frazzled by a sense of being pulled in a bazillion different directions, and found myself surrendering into a Stretch Armstrong kind of existence, atleast until I was able to give myself a break, step back, and let go of some of the tasks that I had thought would keep me in the swing of growing and expanding my business, while honoring that I’m not perfect, that I can’t do it all, and that my children needed me.
So when I say that the summer was a time of witness, I mean that it provided me with the opportunity to observe myself, as if my dream became its own entity, locked away in a cage that I visited with, communicated with, observed from the outside (or was my dream observing me?), but didn’t fully touch or experience, leaving me with that feeling of not enough at times. It’s funny how the human brain tainted with years of societal s’pose-tos might judge that to be lazy or unproductive or insignificant… but the heart realizes it’s far from fruitless.
Each sultry summer moment offered me the opportunity to see my visions a bit differently, taking into account that this life of mine- my kids, my partner, my home, my day to day victories and fumbles- are not separate from my dream… rather, they are a part of it. No, I don’t always feel as though I am in perfect balance… in essence, the summer required me to lose a little bit of myself in order to really see that part of the dance is giving into life, giving into love. On the other hand, maybe it’s not so much “losing a bit of myself” as it is embracing and tending to a different part of me. Our dreams extend their tentacles into every aspect of who we are, whether we realize it or not. They are not always defined by regular blog posts and fancy newsletters and great big action steps. Sometimes, they’re more mysterious than that. Sometimes, for me, they are reflected in the toothless smile of my little boy or the blue-green inquisitive eyes of my daughter… or the soft inviting glance of a wise old gorilla.
So tomorrow I’ll begin again… I’ll invite my dream out of its enclosure, I’ll frisk and frolic with it, I’ll roll it around in my fingertips and see how its form has changed… I’ll recommit… I’ll perhaps do some decluttering, revisit my book outlines, and lovingly see to this lonely blog… I’ll move from being in a place of deep witness to playful, soulful action… are you ready to join me?
{I’ve decided to spend the last few weeks of summertime pouring my attention on my kiddos… So I thought I’d repost some of my older pieces that folks have told me are their favorites… I hope you all enjoy them, and connect with me by leaving a comment! In a couple o’ weeks, I will be back with some more juicy nibbles, for I’m gathering much inspiration from my dear clients, sultry summer storms and magical bicycle rides, and the wisdom of the little people tugging at my sleeves…}
October 6, 2009
My daughter is the queen of “I dunno.” When you ask her what she did at school today, she says, “I dunno.” When she’s so bored that she sticks to me like a veritable piece of Velcro and I ask her what she’d like to do, she replies, “I dunno.” From what I hear, this is pretty common among her classmates, perhaps because children are so present in each moment that what happened earlier or what might happen next is simply not in the forefront of their minds. So I don’t worry too much about it, and instead, steer her through her sea of I-dunnos until she reaches an island that pokes at a memory or sparks a desire.
Many of us as grownups still get trapped in that obscure place of uncertainty from time to time, and this uncomfortable ambiguity can be wrapped around a whole gamut of scenarios, from “How do I want my eggs” to “What do I truly want in my life?” From an early age, many of us were taught to stuff our desires, or wait until we’ve done something to deserve them. Consequently, we very rarely give ourselves permission to want, for fear that we’re being selfish or greedy, and often times our most sincere desires get swept under the rug, becoming lost and forgotten dust-bunnies. This pattern becomes so deeply ingrained in us that when we’re asked what we like or what we want, the mere question can throw us for a loop.
Does this sound a pinch familiar to you?
How to Discover Your Cup o’ Tea
1) If identifying what you like or want is challenging, it might be easier to start with asking yourself what you don’t want. When it comes to the bigger picuture, many of us have a nagging ache for more, but more of what, we have not a conscious clue! For years I had been a stay at home mom and an artist whose commissioned work was in high demand… yet there it was, inconclusive desire. It’s not until my own coach invited me to explore what it is that I didn’t want that I began to spot some clarity around what I yearned for.
2) It is enormously constructive to sift through the hodgepodge of your home and honor what’s meaningful or useful to you and let go of the rest. In other words, declutter! When we allow ourselves to let go of certain things, we make room for new ones. One particular day, I was cleaning out my art cabinet, going through oodles of supplies from clay to ink to paint to charcoal to UFOs (Unidentifiable Futile Objects). As I was doing this, I had a flash of insight, and I realized that I no longer wanted to do commissions. I didn’t know why or where it came from, but it was an unfamiliar clarity that invited a deep sigh of relief and release.
3) As you’re getting rid of stuff, or when you’re trying to decide where to go for dinner, or even when you’re struggling to decipher your deeper purpose, ask your yourself, “is this what I want?” and listen for the “hell-yeah.” If your answer is I dunno, or well maybe, or perhaps later, that’s an automatic NO. Let it go and reach for something else. If it’s “hell, yeah”, well there you go, you’ve got your answer! It might sound radical, or even a little wacky, but I encourage you to try it, even with the most mundane things of no consequence, and begin a practice of tuning in to the answers. For me, the answer was sparkling clear. In regards to commissions (and also to my life), I no longer wanted to do what others wanted me to do… I wanted to take deliberate action on my own behalf, and follow the breadcrumbs to what I love.
4) Steep in the wisdom that you DO indeed know. The answers may be tricky to reveal, but they’re always inside of you. They’re a part of you. They might be buried under layers and layers of old baggage and dirty laundry, but once you begin to let go of what no longer serves you, those layers get thinner and more pliable, and every so often, you may catch a glimpse of your desire. If this notion is still too muddy for you, then simply reach for the certainty of wanting clarity. For a time, my sole mission was to shed the ideas that others had for me and begin to listen to my own heart. It meant creating boundaries with loved ones, carving out an identity that wasn’t just Mom, and allowing my art to drift away for a bit.
5) Experiment. Take a sip. Make a decision. Take imperfect action. Leap. Try something new, or embrace something old, and simply notice what happens. If you stumble, pick yourself up again. If you foible, honor the fact that you’re human. If you don’t like what you find, try something else, but keep allowing your hell-yeah to be your compass. Once I began taking baby steps toward what made me glow inside, I discovered a deep love for writing, an urge to create sacred art, and a knowing that I had within me all of the tools that I needed to heed the call of a dream that had been living on the sidelines for years… to help others to discover their own cup o’ tea via paints and crayons, colored pencils and mandalas!
As I joyfully raise my cup o’ tea, I toast to your success!
(If you’d like information about my creative coaching programs, click here.)
{After not so gracefully maintaining the juggling within my spirit regarding my work and my family lately, I’ve decided to spend the last few weeks of summertime focusing on my kiddos… I think we all tend to ask way too much of ourselves sometimes, and for me, I know that it’s necessary for my own well-being to release the frazzle. So I’m going to repost some of my older pieces that folks have told me are their favorites… I hope you all enjoy them, and connect with me by leaving a comment! In a few weeks, I will be back with some more juicy nibbles, for I’m gathering much inspiration from my dear clients, sultry summer storms and magical bicycle rides, and the wisdom of the little people tugging at my sleeves…}
I’m beginning with a post that I wrote almost exactly a year ago, marking the birth of this blog. In just a couple of weeks, I will be visiting more gorillas with my family, and am sure to have more photos and stories to share!
July 16, 2009
Last week, my family and I visited the Louisville Zoo… After a romp around almost the entire zoo, several rides on the merry-go-round, and a bag or two of cotton candy, with great anticipation, we ventured over to Gorilla Forest. I have always had a strange connection to captive primates, and while zoos in general bring up a mixed bag of emotions for me, when I go, I immediately feel called to the chimps, orangutans, and gorillas. When I used to live in Boston, I would spend hours on end at the Franklin Park Zoo with the gorillas, peering at them through the glass, and bringing whatever odds and ends I thought might be interesting for them to take a look at… a hairbrush, keys, toys, etc… The gorillas would often lay down on their tummies with their chins propped up on their enormous hands, watching me take things out of my mysterious bag. Every so often, they would even try to communicate with me with simple signs, such as tapping their fingers on their mouths, as though they were hungry and wanted me to pull out a snack.
This week’s visit brought all of that back. Earlier in the day, I had visited the orangutans and spent some time with a male orangutan who was standing up on a ledge overlooking the crowds of people walking by, looking quite sad. I couldn’t stand it. I sat in a corner in front of the window, put my hand on the glass, closed my eyes, and sent him as much compassion as I could muster. When I opened my eyes, he had come down from his perch and was sitting there in front of me, a few inches away, separated only by a thick sheet of glass. We gazed at one another for quite some time before my kids dragged me away against my will. So when we arrived at the gorillas’ home, I was already craving more.
Initially, there weren’t any gorillas near the glass, and the ones that I saw from a distance looked bored and depressed. The crowd was huge and noisy, and for a split second, I wondered if it was possible to even make eye contact given the atmosphere. But I sat down anyway, again placing my hand on the glass and closing my eyes. And again, it wasn’t long before I opened my eyes and a female was moving toward me, looking at me with a sideways glance as if she were a bit skeptical. As she sat down next to me, we looked at one another with fleeting glimpses before settling into a deep, uninterrupted staring match. The rest of the world disappeared and a sense of trust and enormous respect for one another filled what little space there was between us. I was drawn to start pulling things out of my fannypack… my wallet, keys, a pen… she was mesmerized, and so was I by her huge and gentle presence. When my kids couldn’t stand it anymore, and probably thought their mommy had gone a little bit looney, I had to “wake up” from my gorilla trance and move on…
It was almost unbearable to leave the zoo that day and leave behind those marvelous creatures, and they continue to haunt the quieter moments of my day. I honestly cannot contribute these magical experiences to being a gorilla whisperer or being gifted in animal communication… I’m lucky if I can get my dog to sit or my cat to stop attacking my toes. It was simply about being deeply present with them in those moments, and even more than that, I was deeply connected to myself as well, drawn inward by my authentic desire to be with them on a level that stretched beyond snapping pictures and laughing at their human-like ways.
That’s my intention… to be present from the inside out, with whatever is in front of me in any particular moment. But how many times do we get misplaced by our desire to be present because we’re looking outside of ourselves for the confirmation that we’re actually there? When I teach a yoga class, I’ll often tell my students to go within and to keep my voice on the edges of their minds, only on the periphery of consciousness… that is because so many times when we decide to be mindful, we become aware of our external senses. Tuning into smells, colors, temperatures, sounds… this is a good beginning… but tuning in to what’s happening on the inside, how you’re feeling beneath the surface, and what your gut says about a particular moment- and then peering out from that place- is like awakening to a whole new world. It’s as though you’re looking through a different lens… what was once red might now be a mysterious deep mauve, and what once sounded like a whining child may now sound like a beautiful soul desiring compassion.
Dian Fossey, who devoted her life to the mountain gorillas of Africa, said, “When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate more on the preservation of the future.” I’d like to add that if you realize the value of the life within you, you dwell less on the drama that’s happening around you and concentrate more on what touches you, makes your heart tremble, and begs for organic tears of joy and compassion.
The next time that you intentionally become mindful, look at the world from the inside out… and come back and share the magic of what you see!
Please welcome a guest to my blog today… my dear friend, Joy, from Unfolding Your Path To Joy visits us with her unique and beautiful perspective on life! I can’t remember where it was she and I first connected, but it was somewhere out there in the ethers of blogland… and I’m so grateful to have her inspiring presence in my life! Thank you, Joy, for sharing with me and my readers this sweet glimpse of your amazing life!
Drumroll, please…..
I live on a sailboat docked in a slip in a beautiful marina in So Ca. When I stand on the dock, I see the harbor water leading to the expanse of ocean, I see majestic hills that I enjoy hiking in, I see the sky stretched like the Universe canvas’–always changing, yet so beautiful because of the changes..
I love watching the sky. There is so much to learn from it. I love the bright, sunny days when the sky is blue, not a cloud in sight. The sun is brilliant, sending its rays to warm my skin, to glisten off of the harbor water. I love cloudy days–watching the ‘clouds roll in’ covering the canvas of sky. I know that the sun is there even if I cannot feel its warmth or see its rays touch anything. I love all of the beauty of the sky..the night sky with the moon sending its moonbeams through my hatch as I sleep, the stars shining brightly. Some nights so cloudy that all around me is black. And in my harbor we have “June gloom”–a heavy fog rolls in around sunrise and settles down until late afternoon. It lifts as quickly as it settled in, and all is bright and sunny again. We also have some huge electrical storms..lightening slices through the sky..thunder rolls…Some days I hear that there are water spouts out in the ocean..I try to stay away from those (*grin ocean/land, I think I prefer water spoutless days)…
I find the sky fascinating well– one because I know it’s been created by a Force so huge that I cannot fathom it..and two, because it is always there yet ever changing..to me a huge parallel to my life. All throughout the day, when I look at the sky, the changes actually comfort me because I can tell from the position of the sun–and later the moon–the progression of the day…All is well…The changes are familiar to me yet– as in the case of storms– sometimes unexpected. I choose to celebrate the beauty of the sky each and every time..Living on the boat I call the sky ‘my ceiling’…so in that sense then, I choose to celebrate the beauty of my home…
As I look at the sky, I am making a choice…just as when I look at life. My perspective affects my thoughts, words, actions. I believe that what I focus on grows, so then in my life my perspective is key..it affects the direction of my life, the paths I choose to take, the progression of my day…My perspective is my choice…I choose to celebrate the good in everything. If that sounds “pollyannaish” then I do apologize, but it is a reality for me; exactly how I choose to live. I may find that the sun is not shining on a day I really wanted it to, or that the wind is still on a day I wanted to sail..or any number of potential disappointments..I choose to incorporate the external into my internal…So, if the sun is not shining I may choose to celebrate the clouds and the opportunity to perform tasks I wouldn’t have had I been out playing–which then leaves open space for something marvelous to fill. I call this concept unfolding..instead of resisting external circumstances as they are presented to me, I allow them to guide me along my path. So, if the wind is still, I may choose to curse the wind for not co-operating, or I may choose to enjoy another opportunity I would otherwise not have had. In all cases, it is my choice to embrace the moment as it is with what I’ve been given; I may not change the external conditions, but when I choose to embrace it I allow my heart to remain open to infinite possibility.
In my personal life, when I allow my heart to remain open, then beauty, joy, delight, wonder swoop in. I choose to accept those gifts. I choose to then use that energy to share with others from a well of abundance and peace, to create within my own life, to parent joyfully, to live fully. Because I believe that what I focus on grows, then when faced with a choice to celebrate or moan..I choose celebrate..and the interesting fact is that each celebration leads to the next, so I may look back upon a full day and find it was full of Divine, not void of anything at all. If I choose to focus on lack of, instead of abundance in…then lack of grows and I truly do not want to live such a small, stress filled life.
I am not saying that less than positive does not exist..I am saying that when faced with less than positive, it is my choice what to do with it. In today’s society, we are often bombarded with less than positive within a day..day in and day out that truly adds up and can zap one’s Spirit. In my own life, I’ve chosen to limit the opportunity for less than positive to be present..as one example I do not have TV, nor do I watch, listen to, or read the news. As a member of this community on Earth, I should be and am fully Aware of local and global events, yet I am not bombarded with endless details of less than positive surrounding them because I choose to limit the access. My life has been sprinkled with experiences that have been extremely less than positive..yet in each and every situation I choose to find and celebrate the good. I do not have control over external events, but my internal control setting on Love allows me to direct the way those events affect my life.
In closing, I have two young children. There are natural stages of growth where one is overcome with transition/change..there are times of confusion, doubt, frustration, discouragement, pain, hormonal overload…I understand all of the external. What my heart wants for my children is to experience life fully, to tap into life’s abundance, to recognize that they are surrounded by Love, Joy, Beauty, Peace and can choose to celebrate those gifts at any moment, regardless of external circumstances…My ten year old daughter has quite the spirit and when in the throes of emotion or in the depths of a situation that is less than favorable for her…before I can even acknowledge her… she will sometimes look at me and say “Yes, Mom, I know I can turn it around, but for this moment I choose not to..”
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Categories: Living Mindfully, adventure, family, gratitude, inside out, intention | 
Tags: action, Gorilla Haven, gorillas, Lisa Rough | 
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