The Joy of Connection
I took a week off of my Next Chapter duties last week… I’ll admit it, I just didn’t have a whole lot to giggle about last week (the last chapter of The Joy Diet was about laughter)… instead, it was a more serious and sometimes heartbreaking time of re-evaluation and recommitment between my partner and I… a lot of tears were shed, and a lot was brought out into the open… but I’m happy to say that this week’s chapter on connection could not have come at a better time, and thankfully, laughter and sweetness have returned to my relationship in an even bigger way than before.
Connection has always been important to me… but I wasn’t able to really define what it looked like until I read Martha Beck’s take on it. To me, connection is about being deeply present with what is within the presence of others… friends, lovers, family, strangers. It’s about slowing down, sharing silence, holding hands, exchanging words, honoring tears, and inviting laughter, but not in a tuned out kind of way… more like in mindful, open-from-the-heart, raw kind of way. It’s no wonder to me that Martha recommends being well-practiced in all of the other elements she has presented thus far, because connection requires that we deeply acknowledge our truth and allow ourselves to express it outwardly, which can feel downright risky.
It’s funny how the universe provides situations for you to wrap yourself around when you most need them. A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of meeting Brooke Castillo, author of Self-Coaching 101, and as I witnessed her fantastic way of shifting mindsets, one very courageous man spoke up asking for guidance. His wife was having an affair and has said she no longer loves him. After Brooke brought him through a somewhat painful journey of acceptance, he discovered that what really mattered is that he loves his wife. Now I remember walking away from this, relating it to my own far less delicate situation, and found myself running into some resistance from some of the old guarded fears I had tucked away deep inside… the more I love, the more I am likely to get hurt, and the more I trust, the more opportunity others have to break my heart.
Yikes!
What kind of way is that to live?
I would rather die knowing that I lived to my fullest potential than live with regret that I haven’t given myself a chance to be all that I can be. I’d rather love deeply at the risk of getting hurt than to spend my days wondering what could have been. I’d rather trust profoundly than to live in fear. I’d rather grow and step into a scary, vulnerable place than to wilt in apathy.
“But doesn’t this strategy virtually guarantee you’ll get hurt? No, silly. It doesn’t virtually guarantee that you’ll be wounded. It absolutely guarantees it. Some of the people you connect with will be cruel. Some will be self-destructive. Some of them will die before you do. It’s going to be just awful. But as long as you never react by cutting off your willingness to love, you will always- always- emerge from these situations with more capacity for joy than you took into them.”
Well put, Martha. Thanks for the reminder.
(Speaking of connection, this week I’m announcing the first Creative Women’s Retreat of 2010, set for the end of January! I invite you to join an amazing group of women as together, we become clear about our intention and gather the courage to launch our dreams… CLICK HERE for more information!)
Categories: Creativity, Living Mindfully, The Joy Diet, The Next Chapter, Uncategorized, dreamwheels, inside out, life purpose | 
Tags: authenticity, Brooke Castillo, Creativity, dreamwheels, Jamie Riddler, Lisa Rough, Martha Beck, risk, The Joy Diet, The Next Chapter, trust, truth, visionboards | 
12 Comments »
Good luck for the new found love, always a wonderful thing! Have a nice week!
I love your collage and your comments about relationships. You are so right–real relationships are worth the risk. Laughing, crying, anger and love are all part of the package. The retreat sounds lovely–too bad it’s so far away from me.
That was very powerful. I am glad you resolved to love fully. I really never thought about this before.
Thanks for sharing your experience. This chapter really reminded me of how we have the opportunity to strengthen our relationships by really being real and being still enough to receive the presence of others. Bravo!
It is ironic that we were both undergoing a similar situation within our personal lives at the exact same time. As I read your post, I was constantly nodding my head. It is unfortunate but the painful and uncomfortable path within our relationships is usually the correct one in order to move forward.
Sending you lots of hugs! Jennifer
Love your vision card… Great post.
Loved meeting you at Christine’s retreat!!!
I realized after this chapter that I am very selective with whom I make connections with. I could give you a list of reasons, but I think it boils down to fear — fear of heartbreak, fear of rejections, fear of effort, ……
I thought about this yesterday and even said to my husband that I really need to work on connecting with more people.
The Universe listened. On the walking trail where I am usually alone with my thoughts, I bumbed into a co-worker. Later in the afternoon, a friend invited me out to dinner. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, one of my husband’s friends and his wife walked by my car. We waved, smailed and connected.
Amazing what power we have. I put that intention out in the world, and it bounced back to me.
Lisa…thank you so much for your posting! I just read and absorbed and related to it deeply as I sit here in Durham at Jesse’s kitchen table. Will talk to you soon and am so happy for your happiness!
Love,
Mary Gordon
I love your mandalas, Lisa! And, your heartfelt post is so inspiring because we can all relate AND you seem to have come through to a new place that is empowering for you! I’m so very happy to connect with YOU, Lisa!!!
this is a beautifully written post. i simply adore your collage, as well. thank you for sharing a piece of your heart with us. your natural connectivity shines through your blog and personal work. xo, ♥kaileenelise
I, too, love your mandala. And your post brings back memories in such a poignant way. I think many of us have had to make a decision about the way we want to be in relationship – and have had to choose, knowing that we risked losing a lot. When it turns out well, it is such a joy. And when we make that choice we have to be fully aware that it might not – and still recognize that for us, it is necessary. How wonderful that you have found the courage to fully live your life in spite of the fear.
I found the story of the man whose wife had found someone else to be so touching; it really is about the love that we can put out there. That’s all we can do.
Beautifully written post. I always love to see the takeaways that each person presents – your quote from the book about whether we will be wounded by this practice was perfect – it is tough to hold that thought all the time and still power through, but it is a good reminder.
Thank you for posting your beautiful vision card, as well.