Creativity= discovering your cup o’ tea.

My daughter is the queen of “I dunno.”  When you ask her what she did at school today, she says, “I dunno.”  When she’s so bored that she sticks to me like a veritable piece of Velcro and I ask her what she’d like to do, she replies, “I dunno.”  From what I hear, this is pretty common among her classmates, perhaps because children are so present in each moment that what happened earlier or what might happen next is simply not in the forefront of their minds.  So I don’t worry too much about it, and instead, steer her through her sea of I-dunnos until she reaches an island that pokes at a memory or sparks a desire. 

Many of us as grownups still get trapped in that obscure place of uncertainty from time to time, and this uncomfortable ambiguity can be wrapped around a whole gamut of scenarios, from “How do I want my eggs”  to “What do I truly want in my life?”  From an early age, many of us were taught to stuff our desires, or wait until we’ve done something to deserve them.  Consequently, we very rarely give ourselves permission to want, for fear that we’re being selfish or greedy, and often times our most sincere desires get swept under the rug, becoming lost and forgotten dust-bunnies.   This pattern becomes so deeply ingrained in us that when we’re asked what we like or what we want, the mere question can throw us for a loop.

Does this sound a pinch familiar to you? 

How to Discover Your Cup o’ Tea

1)   If identifying what you like or want is challenging, it might be easier to start with asking yourself what you don’t want.  When it comes to the bigger picuture, many of us have a nagging ache for more, but more of what, we have not a conscious clue!  For years I had been a stay at home mom and an artist whose commissioned work was in high demand…  yet there it was, inconclusive desire.   It’s not until my own coach invited me to explore what it is that I didn’t want that I began to spot some clarity around what I yearned for.   

2)   It is enormously constructive to sift through the hodgepodge of your home and honor what’s meaningful or useful to you and let go of the rest. In other words, declutter!  When we allow ourselves to let go of certain things, we make room for new ones.  One particular day, I was cleaning out my art cabinet, going through oodles of supplies from clay to ink to paint to charcoal to UFOs (Unidentifiable Futile Objects).   As I was doing this, I had a flash of insight, and I realized that I no longer wanted to do commissions.  I didn’t know why or where it came from, but it was an unfamiliar clarity that invited a deep sigh of relief and release.  

3)  As you’re getting rid of stuff, or when you’re trying to decide where to go for dinner, or even when you’re struggling to decipher your deeper purpose, ask your yourself, “is this what I want?” and listen for the “hell-yeah.”  If your answer is I dunno, or well maybe, or perhaps later, that’s an automatic NO.  Let it go and reach for something else.  If it’s “hell, yeah”, well there you go, you’ve got your answer!  It might sound radical, or even a little wacky, but I encourage you to try it, even with the most mundane things of no consequence, and begin a practice of tuning in to the answers.  For me, the answer was sparkling clear.  In regards to commissions (and also to my life), I no longer wanted to do what others wanted me to do… I wanted to take deliberate action on my own behalf, and follow the breadcrumbs to what I love. 

4)   Steep in the wisdom that you DO indeed know.  The answers may be tricky to reveal, but they’re always inside of you.  They’re a part of you.  They might be buried under layers and layers of old baggage and dirty laundry, but once you begin to let go of what no longer serves you, those layers get thinner and more pliable, and every so often, you may catch a glimpse of your desire.  If this notion is still too muddy for you, then simply reach for the certainty of wanting clarity.  For a time, my sole mission was to shed the ideas that others had for me and begin to listen to my own heart.  It meant creating boundaries with loved ones, carving out an identity that wasn’t just Mom, and allowing my art to drift away for a bit.

5)   Experiment.  Take a sip.  Make a decision. Take imperfect action. Leap. Try something new, or embrace something old, and simply notice what happens. If you stumble, pick yourself up again.  If you foible, honor the fact that you’re human.  If you don’t like what you find, try something else, but keep allowing your hell-yeah to be your compass.  Once I began taking baby steps toward what made me glow inside, I discovered a deep love for writing, an urge to create sacred art, and a knowing that I had within me all of the tools that I needed to heed the call of a dream that had been living on the sidelines for years…  to help others to discover their own cup o’ tea via paints and crayons, colored pencils and mandalas!  

As I joyfully raise my cup o’ tea, I toast to your success!  

(If you’d like information about my creative coaching programs, click here.) 

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