Creativity = living from the inside out.

 Last week, my family and I visited the Louisville Zoo…  After a romp around almost the entire zoo, several rides on the merry-go-round, and a bag or two of cotton candy, with great anticipation, we ventured over to Gorilla Forest.  I have always had a strange connection to captive primates, and while zoos in general bring up a mixed bag of emotions for me, when I go, I immediately feel called to the chimps, orangutans, and gorillas.   When I used to live in Boston, I would spend hours on end at the Franklin Park Zoo with the gorillas,  peering at them through the glass, and bringing whatever odds and ends I thought might be interesting for them to take a look at…  a hairbrush, keys, toys, etc…  The gorillas would often lay down on their tummies with their chins propped up on their enormous hands, watching me take things out of my mysterious bag.  Every so often, they would even try to communicate with me with simple signs, such as tapping their fingers on their mouths, as though they were hungry and wanted me to pull out a snack.  

This week’s visit brought all of that back.  Earlier in the day, I had visited the orangutans and spent some time with a male orangutan who was standing up on a ledge overlooking the crowds of people walking by, looking quite sad.  I couldn’t stand it.  I sat in a corner in front of the window, put my hand on the glass, closed my eyes, and sent him as much compassion as I could muster.  When I opened my eyes, he had come down from his perch and was sitting there in front of me, a few inches away, separated only by a thick sheet of glass.  We gazed at one another for quite some time before my kids dragged me away against my will.  So when we arrived at the gorillas’ home, I was already craving more.

Initially, there weren’t any gorillas near the glass, and the ones that I saw from a distance looked bored and depressed.  The crowd was huge and noisy, and for a split second, I wondered if it was possible to even make eye contact given the atmosphere.  But I sat down anyway, again placing my hand on the glass and closing my eyes.  And again, it wasn’t long before I opened my eyes and  a female was moving toward me, looking at me with a sideways glance as if she were a bit skeptical.  As she sat down next to me,  we looked at one another with fleeting glimpses before settling into a deep, uninterrupted staring match.  The rest of the world disappeared and  a sense of trust and enormous respect for one another filled what little space there was between us.   I was drawn to start pulling things out of my fannypack…  my wallet, keys, a pen…  she was mesmerized, and so was I by her huge and gentle presence.   When my kids couldn’t stand it anymore,  and probably thought their mommy had gone a little bit looney, I had to “wake up” from my gorilla trance and move on…    

It was almost unbearable to leave the zoo that day and leave behind those marvelous creatures, and they continue to haunt the quieter moments of my day.   I honestly cannot contribute these magical experiences to being a gorilla whisperer or being gifted in animal communication…  I’m lucky if I can get my dog to sit or my cat to stop attacking my toes.  It was simply about being deeply present with them in those moments, and even more than that, I was deeply connected to myself as well, drawn inward by my authentic desire to be with them on a level that stretched beyond snapping pictures and laughing at their human-like ways.  

That’s my intention…  to be present from the inside out, with whatever is in front of me in any particular moment.  But how many times do we get misplaced by our desire to be present because we’re looking outside of ourselves for the confirmation that we’re actually there?  When I teach a yoga class, I’ll often tell my students to go within and to keep my voice on the edges of their minds, only on the periphery of consciousness…   that is because so many times when we decide to be mindful, we become aware of our external senses.  Tuning into smells, colors, temperatures, sounds…  this is a good beginning…  but tuning in to what’s happening on the inside, how you’re feeling beneath the surface, and what your gut says about a particular moment- and then peering out from that place- is like awakening to a whole new world.    It’s as though you’re looking through a different lens…  what was once red might now be a mysterious deep mauve, and what once sounded like a whining child may now sound like a beautiful soul desiring compassion.  

Dian Fossey, who devoted her life to the mountain gorillas of Africa, said, “When you realize the value of all life, you dwell less on what is past and concentrate more on the preservation of the future.”   I’d like to add that if you realize the value of the life within you, you dwell less on the drama that’s happening around you and concentrate more on what touches you, makes your heart tremble, and begs for organic tears of  joy and compassion.  

The next time that you intentionally become mindful, look at the world from the inside out… and come back and share the magic of what you see!

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